Darlings, darlings, we know you have missed us so - but - seriously. SERIOUSLY. Did you actually believe those also-rans who are stealing our thunder was actually the real Crash and Burn?
Tsk. Tsk. After reading their sad little commentary, fully of high and mighty fluffy language, we just have to say wouldn't you rather have "Classic" than "New Coke"?
B.T. Dubs, Rachel D, you're not fooling anyone. You should have done a bit about yourself. You know we would have.
Let's see how pros do it:
MIDWINTER 2015 HIGHLIGHTS
Best Dressed? Worst Dressed? A little of Both.
Crash: Gary is always stylish and eye-catching. The charmer wore his signature white Boa over a somber, and understated black suit. The black leather gloves add a polished finish. Isabella Rodriguez of course, dazzled in this color-blocked, black lace-on-white ensemble.Burn: Okay, so our Pretenders did get ONE thing right. She totes needs earrings with this. Totes! They were wrong about everything else, including the necklace. That's lovely!! Snaps! Prince Gary. Love the boa! So fashion forward!
Crash: Johnny Giovanni, ever the dashing, dangerous presentation. The black on black on black was broken up by the light stripes on the tie. I still think he needs a pinkie ring.Burn: Johnny Giovanni. *love* the tie! See! I said nice things! I was nice! Ahem. Please don't steal my soul. Seriously. Please don't.
Crash: Sebastion Han, from Hartford, you didn't even try. At least your "It's Just Tuesday" look isn't that much of a train wreck. You can do better.Burn: Oh, the Ennui of it all. Here we are, so so bored with our unlives, that we must play the most boring game of poker ever. And show how serious we are with rolled up sleeves. Serious face. And Seriously, so boring.
Crash: Stunning against all that boring black and white, the lovely, golden blonde Emily Freigh looked gorgeous in that drapey red gown. Next time, pose like you mean it, Emily!Burn: Brujah clean up so well. Why, dearest fakers, did you pick a sketch that did not show off this beautiful red dress on Emily Freigh.
Crash: Jonathan Hammer has some serious facial hair, and an even more serious hat. The bowler and the beard remind me of a wild west barkeep. The bowtie doesn't help, but heaven help us, we've seen worse. And white gloves always add class.
Burn: Here's how you know it's truly us - so much better sketches! Ahem. Not that we're petty (Shhh! We totally are!) Love the fabulous hat here. The white gloves and scarlet tie are nice but what really makes the out fit is the cane.
Crash: Elegant cheongsam dress with keyhole mandarin collar on this equally elegant figure (with impeccable posture!). The slit is a bit high, but we do love a high slit. Mmmm....Burn: Okay, let's face facts - this is one sexy number. Meow! Looooooooooove the color. So much. Great Mandarin collar. (That's what it's called, fakers! Not "with Asian flair." Seriously.)
Crash: What the fudge is even going on here? You know I love a round-toe platform pump, but that jacket isn't doing any favors to the rest of it. It's bulky, shapeless, and longer than the skirt, which is um.. awkward when seen from behind. Bonus points for the funky print on the mini pencil skirt, and the red tights, but seriously? WTF? Also, does Katja know this one has her shoes?Burn: I love this sassy outfit! And our Pretenders got this so, so, so wrong! Shoes!! Look at those fabulous Almost Worthy of Katja Nothing shoes!!!!!
Okay darlings! We know you are so glad to see The Real Us back. And we missed you too. It's been far too long. Now, go to naughty things so we have gossip to report on. Look for us (but not really) at Glitter and Gloom!
Finally, for wannabes - "Mess with the best..." and well, you know the rest. Toodles!!!
KISSES!
XOXO
(the real) Crash and Burn
