Damn Yankees: Hartford, 2012

Hello Darlings!  Greetings all from the Land of Steady Habits.

We packed our fur coats and our pearls and headed to Connecticut for the North East's grand gala, billed as the Last Significant Event of the Year, blah, blah, blah. Ah, New England.  Where the hospitality is as warm as as the weather.  Where the men are men, and the moose are scared.  We saw some killer outfits over the weekend.  Below are some of the highlights.

Best Dressed

 Crash:  Vinny Veliaro from Baltimore- the most popular ex-prince in the country wearing a sharp black three piece suit with coordinating blue accessories.  Saturday's theme was "blues", and Vinny hit the mark with his trademark style.

Burn: Snaps! The hat, the tie, the pocket square! Even his hair was coiffed (for more pics, contact us privately *wink*) just so. Oh Vinny, such a huge improvement from just a few months ago! Tres bien! With all that style and panache showing, we must, we utterly must name you Beau of the Ball!

 Crash:  Joseph Hanover, Ventrue Primogen of Blackhawk County is the dashing Tony Stark of clan Ventrue.  Night one he looked more like James Bond in his dark suit and tux shirt.

Burn: I would totally bite that. Meow!!! 

Crash:  Sabine Reya, Tremere Primogen of Westchester County, NY has no idea how hot she is in that too-short LBD, but be assured, Oz Stevenson, Toreador Primogen of the same domain does.  Oh sweet baby Jesus, he does.

Burn: I believe those dresses are colloquially called "Why Bother?" dresses.  Ahem!!  Love the neckline and the heels, as well as the adorable tussled up-do. The whole look reminds me of a Patrick Nagel print. Snaps, my dear. Snaps!

 Crash:  Classically elegant, Zoe, Toreador Keeper of Scranton, PA.  The long sleek black drapes beautifully off her shoulders, and the carelessly gorgeous upswept hair completes the image.

Burn: Sweet. Modest. Nice earrings. Lovely scarf. Ho-hum. Bored now.

Crash: Lillian Kinney, Malkavian Primogen of Westchester County, NY heard "blues", and interpreted that as vintage-inspired classy dame.  You must all know by now what a sucker I am for vintage style, but I just can't help myself.  I'd paint her and those million dollar gams on the side of my B-17 any day.

Burn: Great arms, great dress, great hair. Very nice but I would have loved a bit of color for the shoes. 

Crash:  Mystery Woman in Yellow!  Or was it the Yellow Mystery Woman.  This gorgeous creature was a ray of sunshine amidst all of the somber black.

Burn:  Oh, this lovely Kindred knows how to have a good time! I appreciate the effort but I think this dress in an emerald or ruby red would have been more effective than lemon yellow.  Still, lovely backless dress and nice pearl bracelet! 

Worst Dressed

 Crash: Julius Cole, Toreador Prince of Philadelphia.  That damned hat.  Again.  I know it's your trademark and everything, but you really should think about what "corset laced top hat" says to the world.

Burn: Prince Cole, just put down the velvet. Put it down and no one gets hurt.

 Crash: Galina Petrova, Brujah Primogen of Hartford, CT (at least at the time the drawing was made).  Don't let that sexy smoulder fool you.  She skinned a Muppet.  And she wants you to know you're next.

Burn: Damnit, Crash! I wanted to say the Muppet line this time! Ahem. Galina, darling, if don't end up dead in the near future, keep the fabulous hair but do ditch the coat.

 Crash: Lillah Ashford, Brujah Anarch jezebel from Connecticut doesn't believe in clothes.  She decided instead to wear leather "skirt" (belt with delusions of grandeur, really), and a feather collar.  Gerard St. Clair, Ventrue Prince of Westchester County, NY dubbed it the "Feather-and-Leather Ensemble".

Burn: I have a cat that would love that outfit.

Burn:

 Crash:  Quinn, the Assamite from Hartford, CT who was named Anya's occult chief decided to wear this quilted sack in a bizarre interpretation of "formal wear".  It has button-on straps and an applique in the front that looks like the horror of high school home ec.

Burn: If this was that horrid Northern Virginia event -- Nonclave or some such -- this would have been fabulous there. At this event, my dear, my dear, you look like you are wearing a blanket that belongs on a couch.

Gossip

James Norton, Toreador Primogen of Hartford was channeling Hef with his silk PJs in public Saturday night and lipstick on his cheek.  He hosted a steamy after-hours party supposedly in the honor of the late Victoria Rowlands.  The party involved scantily clad luminaries of the Camarilla, top shelf booze, cigars, and strip poker.  C&B has exclusive details on who was there, and what went on.  Drop us a line if you're interested.

Mr. Norton also hired an impressive belly dancer that had the crowds enthralled.  Even Archon Caia "Fanny Pack" Wickham joined in.  Could the key to the end to Tremere/Assamite hostility be in the sexy swivel of her hips?

Mr. Norton lorded over what was one of the most spectuacular performances of the American Camarilla "season".  Bought and paid for.

In other news, William Harkness, Tremere Sheriff of Portland, ME was promoted to Seneschal by Prince Andrea McDermott (who was notably absent from the gathering, more on that later...) while he was out of town. The locals had yet another poker game (ho-hum, seriously, people, is there a script for these events? Massive problem that requires all the Kindred to band together to save the world, check, Princes meeting, check, poker game, check... At least have some originality and play Monopoly or Scrabble next time!)  Ahem. Where were we - oh yes, Poker game. Vinny Velario won.

And now the real scandal. Apparently a certain someone was PMSing and does not play well with others (I wonder who that could be! Feel free to play "Blind Item!" in missives to us!) -- and that caused all of Maine to not even show! Prince Andrea McDermott and Prince Alexander Keefe apparently really needed to wash their hair. Together. Ahem.

We heard that the princes of Maine wanted to host one of the nights of the event in Maine. A certain prince of Hartford thought that was a dumb idea, and put her foot down. Guess we know who's Queen of New England.

Well, my loves, it is the End of the Year! You know what that means -- SHOES! Oh yes, the Shoe issue is approaching. We will totally take submission photos (Shoe pics do not break the Masquerade... save for some poor terribly unfortunate Gangrel) for fabulous shoes worn at Major Events. Name of wearer required.

And we might even have a Christmas Surprise for you all as well!!
Kisses!
Crash and Burn

PS. Some juicy tidbits happened at NEE! Contact us for a subscription to Burn Notice to get the deets!


(OOC note - We know, we know! IC, we're bitches! Out-of-Character, we love and adore your outfits and your costuming! Please don't take any offense OOC to anything we say.) 

Great Balls of Fire: Atlanta 2012

Sweethearts! We know, we know. We have been very, very naughty! We have left you, bereft, of our quips and bon mots, and we know you were waiting on baited breath for our Atlanta edition.

Very naughty. Perhaps we should be spanked. Woo! Oh, Prince McMillian... ahem. Best we not even *hint* at something so naughty, as it could possibly make Katherine Morgan a wee bit jealous.

Well, my petite chous (that's little cabbage in French, for those Gangrel reading this.. ahem..) we ran off to L.A. for Fashion Week (dresses and parties to die for!!) and by the time we got back, hurricane! And not the tasty beverage kind! (Not that we could drink that. Give us the red stuff!)

No children, we are talking about twelve feet of water in our basement and we are still without power. And yet -- somehow, darlings, we were able to pull together this issue. We are back and better than ever! Nevermind the Bullocks, Here's Crash and Burn: Atlanta 2012!!


Darlings, Darlings. Oh. Atlanta. Dear ones. Please. You must seriously learn to dress.


Worst Dressed

Crash:  Katherine Morgan, Gangrel Primogen of Middle Georgia, is a belly dancer gone horribly, horribly wrong in this red velvet and fishnet number with the weird little red fascinator.  This outfit does absolutely nothing for you.

Burn: *inhales deeply* Oh my god, this is SUCH a train wreck I need popcorn! Did a cat attack a seagull and in the process destroy a macrame' dreamcatcher?? Oh honey, there you go, letting your freak flag fly. Bless your heart.

 Crash:   Sybil Chandler-Blanchett, Tremere, or "Eyepatch Girl", as we have taken to calling her, was such a train wreck, she made the list twice.  We weren't sure which of her Pirate/Rocky Horror/saloon-girl/supervillain outfits (with matching eyepatches) was the worst.  The white high-collared wedding gown kind of reminds me of Beetlejuice.

Burn: Crash is just jealous of the fabulousness of the Eyepatch! You go, Eyepatch Girlfriend! Obviously, Davy Blanchett, the Toreador you married that weekend thinks you're fabulous too. Though, really, a Toreador-Tremere marriage? Oh yeah, that's going to end well. /eyeroll.

 Crash:  This one seems to be taking fashion cues from Archon Caia Wickham.  Seriously.  Of all the people on God's Green Earth to take fashion tips from, you choose Archon Wickham?  At least she could have copied the Archon's sweet green leather trench coat while she was at it.

Burn: Chiton, the Nosferatu Scourge of Savannah! What is it with Nos and hats? This looks rather Julian Lennon meets Claire Danes. I do love the little glare she's giving, I must say; however, Crash is right --   please quit letting Archon Wickham be your fashion stylist.

 Crash:   A real class act with the red bra sticking out of the corset.  Pleather pants and stripper boots really just complete the ensemble.  What's the statement here?

Burn: That statement is "I'm Brujah, I can do what I want!" Oh, my dear, my dear, you really can't.

 Crash:   Anarch couple!! She is way-too-cute for him.  Whereas this hillbilly apparently didn't get the message about the dress code.  I know it's the south and everything, but grown men wear long pants and sleeves to formal events.  She's cute though.

Burn: I am adoring the little blue faux-hawk she has rocking here. Tres adorable! Yes you're fierce. So fierce! Yes, you are! Oh yes, you are! Good Anarch! Gooooood Anarch! And oh yes, Hillbilly Anarch Boyfriend, get some shoes. We are vampires, not hobbits. Please.

Crash:  Jane Larabie, Child of Haqim, corporate and cold, with a winning smile, this CoH really fell flat here with this stunningly unflattering black bureaucrat's uniform.

Burn: All I am going to say is accessories!! A sparkly necklace, some rings, or maybe a rose in the lapel would have added wonders to this outfit. Seriously, my dear, you are at a party! Let your hair down!  She's  really Ventrue, isn't she? Someone let us know.

Crash: And here modeling formal eveningwear from the Great White North, we have Tony Maietta, Brujah Primogen from Portland, ME in his signature orange puffy vest.  We're pretty sure he stores moose meat in the front pockets of that thing.  Stay classy, Tony.  Never change.

Burn: I can't compete with moose meat.








Best Dressed

 Crash:  Archon Douma Charoum, Tremere,  looking dapper and professorial in a sharp tan suit.  This guy obviously knows what he's doing.  Balck in Atlanta in September just doesn't seem fitting, but this man has the whole Southern-Gentleman thing down.

Burn: Dear Archon Charoum, can you please, pretty please with sugar on top, give your Clanmate and fellow Archon Caia Wickham some tips on dressing? You look smashing and professional, with a lovely briefcase, rather than a fannypack. Ahem.

Crash:  I may be slightly in love with Lilyanna Salvatore, Toreador, Seneschal of Middle Georgia. The asymmetrical sheer pleating on this dress adds interest to a classic.  And those shoes are some of the best we have seen all year.  A+.

Burn: The hair, the necklace, the dress... the SHOES. Perfect, perfect package, my dear! Two snaps in Z formation!! What I can not fathom is how Faulkner could stand her up, twice, my dears. TWICE. More in the gossip section, my sweets.

 Crash:  Ever the belle of the ball.  Rachel, you had us in Baltimore.  No one rocks a corset and 1860s inspired skirt like you do.  The fascinator with the white rose in your honey colored hair and the silvery hues of this ensemble are hard not to notice.

Burn: I am seriously considering turning this magazine into the "The All Rachel, All the Time" zine!  Not that I am a stalker.. Ahem. I love this woman's sense of fashion! Totes! Even for the obvious "informal night" (which every event this year has had, seriously, peeps, originality much), she is rocking a gorgeous purple number, with a lovely gold bracelet on her arm. Perfection.  Formal night with the black and silver dress and corset with the gloves and matching fascinator for the hair? Swoon. I swoon.

Crash:  I love a well-dressed gentleman, and this one makes me think I better watch myself at the Blackjack table.  Red tie and pocket square, pale fedora and warm toned silk vest for the win.

Burn: Donald Tennent, Tremere. Seriously, when did the Tremere learn to be so dashing! They are most definitely giving the Toreador a run for their money! Separarely, the elements of this outfit are nice, just nice. However, together, they completely compliment each other and bring together this lovely outfit. Hats off, good sir! Hat's off!









Gossip

It is with regret that we report that Party Person and Host with the Most  Niko Athanasius was killed in Atlanta.  Sad Panda. That boy had some style. Not sure what that style was, mind you, but he had it. He also set up Davy Blanchett's Bachelor Party, as some shiftless ne'er-do-wells (Simon Random ahem) procrastinated and "forgot" to throw the party. Niko took over and woo! What a party was had! It even made CNN!! (ooohboy.)  Simon Random, sadly, is no Shanghai Kelly.  He also apparently  "forgot" to hold a poker tournament he had announced.


Did you hear that Lilyanna Salvatore was stood up by her own prince -- TWICE? For shame, Prince Faulkner! Did you see how beautiful that woman is? And those legs!? It is no wonder that Scott Daine, Ventrue, stole your date. We saw those two dancing the night away and oh my, sparks flew!  PS. Prince Faulkner, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Ahem.

Last but not least, my dears, my dears, the lovely wedding that was held between Davy Blanchett and Sybil Chandler - we are so very sorry to say that we heard that it is in name only and for political reasons. WHY anyone would marry as a Kindred is beyond us, children (Sugartits, Katja, dear, perhaps you could explain?) but to not dance with your wife at your wedding until the very end? Tacky. Mr. Blanchett, don't you worry though, I am sure she won't light you on fire... oh wait... she's a Tremere? Nevermind.

See you soon!! Dress your best!
Kisses!
Crash and Burn

PS. Prince McMillian -- we have been very, very naughty. Ahem.  (For details, consider a subscription to the premium content.)

OOC:  Well done, everyone.  Even when we rip into you, we still think the costuming efforts are commendable.  Keep it up!

Annapolis - and our newest reporter - Smoke!

 Darlings, darlings!

As we have mentioned, we are *always interested* in working with me talent! (Well... new is a relative term for Kindred, of course!) Please welcome our new cub reporter, Smoke Monster, aka Smoke, who has traveled to Annapolis and given us a lovely report on Annapolis, along with some fabulous sketches of the evening!


 Annapolis, Early October 2012 - 

Smoke: Rook and Harrow look quite serious during their meeting, don't they?  It does sound as though the Domain faces some serious threats.  Why was Primogen Eli dressed like a Gangrel at Formal Court?   Not even the Gangrel were dressed like Gangrel this evening!  And speaking of Eli of Clan Tremere, he was one of numerous citizens to change offices ... quite a handful between Washington, DC Thursday night and Annapolis on Saturday.  And both Domains seem to be opting for a retro trend, as Prince Rook declared Eli, while nominally a Primogen, would in spirit be acting as a "Vizier" -- this, on the heels of Prince Dervish naming Bruce MacGregor "Hound" rather than "Sheriff" two nights before. 

Smoke:  If your Domain is facing serious business, at least face it in style!  Seneschal Harrow fully redeems herself for the Hawaiian Nonclave faux pas with this lovely layered look in at least fifty shades of grey.  Prince Rook came close to redemption with his rich, intricately  embroidered jacket, but falls short due to a "mom jeans" issue.  Are those Vidal Sassoon?  You've got the body for the low-rise skinny jeans that are all the rage these nights, Prince Rook -- time to rock a pair!  Mom jeans on a man as svelte as yourself is quite nearly a Masquerade breach. 


Burn: Total agreement with Smoke here. Ditch the mom jeans and show the world the sexy pants that you are!







Smoke:  Prince Rook and Keeper Zoe Moreau of Scranton, Clan Toreador.  They look quite beautiful and menacing at the same time, dappled in shadow, don't they?  Here one gets the full effect of the ornate silver buttons accentuating Rook's jacket, and Zoe maintains her sexy librarian vibe.  I don't know about you, but I'd keep my voice to a whisper in HER library.

 
Burn: WOAH. Look at that smoking hot look that Vinny Velario is giving Zoe! I think these pages are actually starting to smolder!

Smoke: Zoe and Vincent Velario, Clan Toreador, share a pensive moment together; and then show a bit of merriment.  This drawing shows how Zoe's moss-green jacket really "popped," smartly decorated with gold buttons and accessorized with a tasteful pearl necklace.  The simplicity of her black skirt and white blouse allowed the jacket to truly shine -- thank you, Zoe, for knowing that the key to fashion is often accentuating that one magnificent piece, rather than wearing numerous pieces that compete with one another.  Vincent here doesn't look quite as regal in mostly black as he did all in white some time ago, but then again, he has about one-third the adjectives he used to, so perhaps "somber" is called for.  Still, like Zoe's moss, the plum shirt picking up the plum accents in the tie were very autumn-appropriate.  Thank you, Clan Toreador, for matching the seasons so smartly.

Smoke: Zoe again -- here her moss-green jacket is contrasted with the other most-talked-about fashion item of the evening:  the striking sapphire mask worn by Mr. Black, more commonly known as C.H.U.D., of Clan Nosferatu.  For this formal occasion, C.H.U.D. swapped his usual silver mask for this gem-toned beauty.  A most fitting upgrade for a night upon which C.H.U.D. was one of several citizens awarded standing by Prince Rook.  Interestingly, both C.H.U.D. and John Grim of Clan Setite received status this evening, a mere six weeks after both received status at Nonclave.  Harpies, take note: Six weeks is apparently the new grace period for status.  Who knew?










Smoke: From left to right:  Cheshire of Clan Malkavian, Chernobyl of Clan Brujah, and C.H.U.D.  Three of the members of the unfortunately named "Shadow Company," a crew who've recently put down roots in Annapolis, are clearly enjoying the festivities.  Cheshire, we adore you, but please leave the sexy librarian look to Zoe.  Chernobyl, on the other hand, is all dapper Texas oilman -- this smart ensemble, complete with oversized sunglasses and a watch that screams "new money," recalls the glory days of J.R. Ewing.  One suspects Chernobyl might indeed have been the Soviet Union's answer to Dallas's most infamous oil baron.  And doesn't C.H.U.D. look happy to be partying with his homies -- look at that smile! 

  

Smoke: A closer look at Chernobyl and his Ray-Bans.  The 80s called and they are jealous that you're pulling off this look in 2012.

Burn: That is a great hat. Sexy!









Smoke:  Michael of Clan Gangrel giving the Vienna sausage -- oh wait, is that his finger? -- in insult to an unknown party.  I guess it wouldn't be a party if some Gangrel didn't generate a bird.  One necklace would be fine here, but the second necklace we're not so sure about.  It looks like something that may have washed up on the beach while the Brady Bunch were in Hawaii.  Let's hope it's not cursed! 












Smoke: Newly-appointed Seneschal Greggor of Washington, DC, Clan Nosferatu.  Greggor, we dig the newsboy cap for a Clan renowned for its abilities where information is concerned, and your own outfit was quite dapper.  But seriously, your undeveloped twin needs a baby makeover!  Perhaps some jeggings for the wee one, or at least a more autumn-appropriate diaper cover?

Burn: Way to let your freak flag fly there, Greggor! (OMG!)

Smoke: Hannah Martin, Clan Gangrel, and Khamael of the Sefirot, Clan Toreador, who were on this night appointed Sheriff and Scourge of Annapolis, respectively.  Hannah, why the long face?  Is your fight form a dappled mare?  Or are you perhaps some mortal relation to Sarah Jessica Parker?  Oh wait, we know -- you were just named Sheriff!  Congratulations?  As for Khamael, we have our suspicions as to why he looks so glum.  Prince Dervish of Washington, DC was present, and quite offended to learn one of his residents had accepted an Officer position in Annapolis without so much as a post-it note of notification to anyone in DC.  Particularly scandalous, given that David Paul Barrington of Clan Ventrue was stripped of standing earlier this year for moving ... from Annapolis to DC .... without notifying Prince Rook or the Annapolis Primogen Council first.  We hope those aren't shoulder pads in your jacket, Khamael.  Those are so "early 90s businesswoman."  Might we recommend a tailor for that jacket?


Burn: All I know is that Hannah Martin has some fabulous hair going on there and some utterly lovely earnings. Snaps!

Smoke: Ambrosio Valez de Leon of Baltimore, and Fiona MacGregor of Philadelphia, both of Clan Brjuah.  The fashionable Brujah were out in force this evening -- Ambrosio's tie with its splash of bronze for fall smartly stood out from a well-fitting black coat, shirt and pants (Prince Rook and Scourge Khamael, perhaps there's a tailor in Baltimore to help you?).  And Fiona's shimmering, iridescent blue dress was breathtaking -- and the mini-cape!  Even among the many sartorially gifted Brujah present this evening, Fiona was a standout.  Note the understated sparkles of the diamonds in her ring and on the straps of her dress -- I heartily approve this outfit.  Ambrosio was overheard explaining a choice bit of gossip from Baltimore -- it seems that when Prince Rommel ascended to the throne there not long ago, a vacancy was created in the Harpy position when Harlan Miles was named Seneschal, and soon thereafter the Primogen Council of Baltimore opened the Harpy position for auditions!  I even overheard that it had been suggested a competition take place, in which Seneschal Miles and the Harpies of Annapolis and DC would serve as guest judges and mentors, complete with large, rotating chairs, lights and music ... something of a Kindred reality show to create some buzz and allow the new Harpy of Baltimore to claim the position with considerable fanfare.  Unfortunately, Ambrosio has withdrawn his name from the Harpy race, leaving only two competitors, and it sounds as though the ambitious "reality competition" may not come to pass.  I do hope the citizens clamor for it and that a third competitor emerges, as I'd cover that event like a Kardashian on a pro basketball player. 

Smoke: Vincent, please ask Ambrosio to fix your shirt and tie!  And quit pouting.

Burn: Obviously, he needs to back to flirting with dear Zoe. Oh, those two are smoking hot together!!! Obviously, she will help Vinny getting over his "I gave up my Praxis to Lucas Morgan" blues! 

 
Smoke: Princess Giovanni, Doña of Maine, dropped by for a visit and rocked the evening's most ambitious shoes, an open-toed sparkly spiked heeled wonder in pink.  And with that tiara, she looked every inch the princess.  I was struck with the urge for some Bubblicious, but the urge soon passed.  Her shoes caught not only this reporter's eye, however ... Prince Dervish got into a bit of a verbal sparring match with Princess, passions were stirred, and (15) rumor has it they "made up" in the back of a limo later that evening!  Way to celebrate your new Praxis, Prince Dervish!  I'm still trying to come up with the winning euphemism here:  "Renewing the Promise," or perhaps "Making the wraiths blush?"  We're not sure what that article of clothing is under your jacket, Prince Dervish -- mock turtleneck with zipper? -- but we're quite sure you have the standing now to pull it off.  Speaking of Washington, DC, in addition to their limousine conquests, they made quite the show of solidarity -- two nights after Prince Dervish's ascension to the throne, all their officers save the Keeper were present for Prince Rook's Formal Court.  We hear Prince Dervish might be setting up a much sought-after and rare tour of the Smithsonian Museum Elysiums for DC Officers and Primogen, each of whom may invite one lucky guest!  And finally, we overheard that while Prince Dervish is much more prudent than his predecessor when it comes to possibly premature proclamations of people passing, the previous Prince is purported to be quite irretrievably dead.



Burn: Her name is PRINCESS??? Hahahaha. Oh. How lovely for a Giovanni!! Lovely shoes tho! Snaps!


-----------------------------------------------
Well, my darlings, there you have it -- our first report from Cub Reporter Smoke. Do let us know if you liked it! (Hate mail, of course, will go in the circular file! And darlings, if you do not know what that is, ask your ghouls to tell you!) Again, as a reminder, if you are interested in reporting for Crash and Burn or have any great tips for Burn Notice, just sent us a note!

Kisses!
Crash and Burn
with our new reporter, Smoke!

Roosevelt Island, 2012

Darlings! So much happened at this event called "Nonclave!"  What else do you expect from an event that is known for its "Donut Hole" Elysiums, Water Dragons and Tremere Princes stripping themselves for faux pas? ... Oh, of *course* I am talking about  the little incident with Luman Gunn... who did you think I was talking about, my dears?

Also, children, children. Do please, start picking better venues for Parties and balls, would you?  Milwaukee in January, Ohio in July (though, really, Ohio... at any time...), and the ever scenic Roosevelt Island on what is invariably the hottest weekend of the year, leave something to be desired. However, our intrepid Nonclave campers made the best of it and had a "Beach Party!"  Yes. Really. A Vampire Beach Party. How... something. (Oh Baltimore, please, can you teach your wayward Sister City's Kindred how to throw a shindig? Pretty please with sugar on top!)

Best Dressed

Crash:  It must be hard being Lilyan Townsend, Toreador from... wherever it is she's from these days.  This elegant wrap draped beautifully, showing off those luscious curves.  This dame manages to pull of silk-gown-in-the-woods without looking the least bit out of place.  The jacket dresses it down by just the right amount.  A creative twist on a monochromatic theme with expertly varied textures.  Not into the shoes though.

Burn: Lilyan, this color green suits you so much better than that Jade color. *cough* Ahem. I hereby declare Lilyan Townsend the "It Girl" of Nonclave  - for her lovely style and her ability to attract so much attention.

 Crash:  Next, the lovely Lilah Ashford, an anarch beauty from Hartford, CT.  OK, so maybe a bikini isn't the greatest expression of taste, but it was so hot, who cares!  Really, this girl could wear a burlap sack and make it look good.  Shake what your momma gave you.

Burn: Sometimes, darlings, this blog is not about Fashion but about Style. My dear Ms. Ashford, ignore those Torrie haters that were all up in arms about your little black bikini -- they're just jealous.  Thumbs down; however, on the shoes. High heels, darling!! To show off those stunning legs!

Crash: Collette Green, Malkavian Primogen of Baltimore.  The hat is very gothic southern grand dame.  Gone with the Wind on mescalin, but it kind of works for her.

Burn: This lovely Kindred was lovely at the Baltimore event and she once again shows her graceful style, even in the middle of the woods. Snaps.  However, Crash, darling, the shoes could use a bit of work.

 Worst Dressed

 Crash:  Renfaire Wench Barbie!

Burn: Frankly, Crash, my dear, I kind of like this look. Okay, the skirt is a winkled mess, but, the shoes! Appropriate, heeled black boots that match the corset and little slave collar!! 

 Crash:  Olivia Kennedy Cole, Philadelphia. Not sure what she was going for here, but the cherry red does nothing for the bright orange locks, though I have to say, this is an improvement over the painted-on (no, literally) she wore to Glitter and Gloom.  At least she's wearing clothes this time.  A step in the right direction!

Burn: Well, what do you expect with Prince Julius Cole as a sire? Have you seen Julius with the big hats, ala the Alice in Wonderland's White Rabbit?

Crash:  Renfaire Cave-wench Barbie!

Burn: HA. I got nothing. 

 Crash:  Prince Rook and Seneschal Harrow of Annapolis. What. The.  Fuck.  Tie die mumu, Hawaiian print shirt?  I'm not sure I even have the heart to comment.

Burn: No. I get it! It is a Statement! It's performance art! It's actually a statement against Man's Inhumanity to Kindred or One's Sense of True Ennui at the Loss of the Beach or It is Lonely in this Modern World. It is *squee* perfect. I love performance art! Obviously these Toreador are using fashion to shake up one's perceptions of good taste!  Really. That has to be it. Oh, Rook and Harrow, you have looked so lovely, so dark, so mysterious, so likely to have a threesome with another hottie in the past, and this is so not the look for you.



Unfortunate Fashion Trend:  Prints, Doing it Wrong

Crash:  I know the theme was "beach party", but to these Kindred, that meant wearing some things we would shudder to upholster furniture in.  This travesty has got to stop.  This horrific trend is the absolute opposite of your goal!

Burn: I blame the Beach Party theme. What do you expect from a bunch of Kindred who haven't seen a Sunny Day at the Beach in decades?












Prints:  Doing it Right

Crash: If you MUST wear a print, do it like this. Anna Kinross, Anarch. 
 knows how to rock a summery print.  It retains some elegance with its drape, but achieves the light and airy that I think many of you were going for and failed.  Abysmally.  Seriously, please never do this again, unless you do it this well.

Burn: Wait. Wait. Wait. Anarchs... with style. Crash, my world view is being rocked, I tell you, rocked!











Gossip

Mmmm. Whatever should we talk about, darlings? I mean, what truly scandalous thing (and I mean scaaaaaaaaaaaaandalous) thing happen at Nonclave? Why... yes, of course, we mean how Lilah Ashford (childe of Chase) and the Anarch known as Kit apparently ran the Sons of Odin out of their own clubhouse (why yes, the Princes gave the Anarchs their own clubhouses on the island) by having rowdy "relations" that were loud enough to shake the cabin! Woo. Girlfriends!  Next time, dearhearts, film it for prosperity. Sex tapes made KimK famous, we are sure it would do the same for you.
How about that other scandal of the weekend? Of course we are talking about Northern Virginia's Malkavian Primogen Sheniver du Bois passing out "Bingo" cards at the beginning of Formal Court!  That's utterly appropriate for a Formal Court. Yup. Sure. Ahem. We had such squares as "Gangrel without a Mask" and "Anarch in a pretty dress" -- well, we've got one square!

And yet another scandal happened! Why, yes, we mean the *cheating* that happened during the Chessmatch between the two Princes. Prince Mattias got incredibly angry that the Anarch known as Deliah used her powers to "enlighten" some of his chess pieces. Tsk, tsk. So unfair! Apparently a number of Gangrel (including Piscin? Seriously, my dear, *still* calling yourself Gangrel?) were able to smooth things over and got the Anarch to apologize.  One prince won.  One prince was remarkably good at chess.  Not necessarily the same prince.

And oh yeah, Prince Datillo killed an Archon. Ahem. No. That's *not* scandalous at all. Not even a tiny bit. Nope!

Well, darlings, that's all we have for Nonclave! One note to our Burn Notice subscribers -- please contact us if your issue went astray and you haven't received your premium content yet!

Kisses!
Crash and Burn

(OOC NOTE - We love your costumes, guys, no matter what our characters say IC. :)  Please keep up the amazing costuming!)

PA Conclave

Hello my sweet darlings! We know you have missed us!

We have missed you too. But more importantly, we have missed the Fashion. And the Gossip. Do send us more gossip, it makes us so happy. On that note, our EXCLUSIVE CONTENT, available ONLY TO SUBSCRIBERS, will be available soon. Contact us if you want in on this sweet deal and want to read our "BURN NOTICE."

We made it to Lehigh Valley Conclave last month. Sadly, (oh, so sadly) judicial conclaves do not really lend themselves to "expressing the inner you" and fashion leaned towards the Court Room, rather than Court. However, we managed to find a few gems

For what it's worth...

Our Best Dressed List

First thing is first -- Justicars Streck, Morgan and Cock Robin are Faultless and so were their clothing choices! (Seriously, people,  did you actually think we might say something naughty about Justicars? For shame! We might be bitches but we're not stupid.)


In general, we were bored with the Fashion at Conclave. Black suits and blue ties as far as the eye could see. Some individuality is acceptable, gentlekindred! Perhaps an elegant lily in your lapel, or try jazzing your suit up with some Edwardian flair. Hats, by the way, children, hats are always welcome. Gloves too. If you must go formal, go all the way.

Crash: The lovely Zoe Moreau, Toreador Keeper of Scranton  Pennsylvania.  She was a vision in this understated romantic tea length gown of mauve crinkled silk.  The black contrast of the shoes, the shrug and the Battenburg lace fan put the somber touches on this ensemble.

Burn:  I love the sexy librarian look here. Snaps, my dear, for being both appropriate and adorable. I love her jewelry, fan and necklace. This lovely kindred can accessorize!

Crash: Mason, Mason, Mason.  Nosferatu Primogen of Buffalo, NY.  The blackthorn shillelagh, the spats, the art deco tie.  Maybe it's all the Boardwalk Empire I've been watching on Netflix, but this guy has put Capone and Nucky Thompson to shame. 

Burn: This, children, is how you DO a suit. I am so so so bored with the black suits and blue ties. Bored now! Mason's offering to Fashion was a standout and should be noted! Stand up, male Kindred, stand up to boring! Be a standout! Show the world that you are both a predator and a fashionista!

Crash: Juliette, Toreador Primogen of Westchester, NY.  Did what she could with the official proceedings-type atmosphere, and managed to pull off this sexy LBD with a twist.  Paisley lace, and more than a little decolletage.  Maybe a bit short for the occasion, but we did not hear anyone complaining.

Burn: I loved the short skirt! Meow! Show off those legs, darling!!

Worst Dressed

Crash: Recently appointed Archon Caia Wickham had the unenviable task of translating for his Avian Excellency, Justicar Cock Robin.  She wore a gray button-up vest, old fashioned watch chain. a fedora, and a triangle of black fabric tied around her head that served as an eye patch.  There was also the matter of the Tremere goody bag she wore cross-body style.  "Archon Fanny Pack" was what we heard people snickering behind their fingers.

Burn: HA. I do not think I can top "Archon Fanny Pack." 

Crash:  Now, normally, this sparkly blue number would earn ridicule for entirely different reasons.  Without the fishnet gloves and the shawl, it kind of has the thrift store prom dress vibe going on.  Not quite demode enough to be "vintage".  The real reason this one makes the list is occasion -- Judicial conclaves, as much as we all love them, are not really sparkly evening-wear kinds of events.  Save the sequins and the glitter for Midwinter, children.

Burn: I think this slight fashion faux pas is forgivable, especially since she's a neonate Gangrel from Pennsylvania. Dearest Jess, you looked sweet ... perhaps a bit too sweet.

And Crash, don't fib, we hate Judicial conclaves. Children, seriously, try to behave and not get into so much trouble? We would far more love to have amazing balls with dancing and fashion.  Otherwise, we get boring fashion like this poor dear. Crash, you know what pissed me off the most? The shoes. The boring, boring shoes. Seriously! Seriously! Where were the fabulous shoes!!! So bored. So over Judicial Conclaves. So so over.

Gossip

You know you are in a tiny wee bit of trouble when Three, count 'em, THREE Justicars show up in your Domain to have a wee chat about how you're running your Princedom. Prince Kelly of Lehigh Valley (who has shown up in this Gossip Rag of ours more than once) got dragged up in front of three Justicars...ahem, so sorry, asked to discuss just how he was running his Domain. Apparently, my dears, one should not call oneself a UberPrince or Prince above other Princes. Kelly did some elegant verbal tapdancing (he's fierce and independant but not an Independant, capital I) and basically declared that his Princes under him were more Marquis than Princes. It's all about word choices, darling!!  Alls well that ends well... well, save that the three Marquis under Kelly are now under Ordeal. Well. That's got to be fun.

Kelly was also apparently in trouble for being a wee bit too friendly with the Anarchs. Could this be because his true love, an adorable Malkavian by the name of Piscin, is an Anarch? Oh, how utterly delicious -- a Camarilla Prince and an Anarch in a love nest!!!!!! Adorable!

Henry Jones, former Seneschal/Marquis/etc. of Lehigh Valley came to the Conclave to apologize for being such a bad leader and defecting to the Anarchs.  Well, my dear, we can understand if you just can't cut it.

Eddie Carlson, Gangrel former Prince of Buffalo, NY got praxised and blood hunted.  He turned up in PA in a snazzy brown suit looking to get his bloodhunt overturned. Begging is just so gauche, my dear.

That is all for now, my dears.:)  Send us gossip and we will love you forever. :) Or at least until the next big scandal. Watch for our VA issue next week!  Toodles!